I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
