I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
