sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
