i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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