Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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