Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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