And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
