wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
