You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
