as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish you could order shots online.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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