Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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