this boner is exhausting
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
