I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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