Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
