dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
