You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
