can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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