i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
