I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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