I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
