What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
