WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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