Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
