He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
