I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
