i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
