Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
