the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
