Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
