i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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