I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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