so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
