What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
