Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
