i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
