She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
