she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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