But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
