He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
