It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
