Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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