conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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