brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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