After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
