It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
