PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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