you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
