i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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