My sheets look like a crime scene.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
