Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
