If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Houston, we have a blender
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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