My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
try to milk me bitch
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