she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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