He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
