don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
