I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
