She is in my trunk
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
